mad_madam_m

Another not!fic from Tumblr and switching it up to Star Wars! Star Wars was really my first fandom, but it wasn't until the new sequel trilogy that I wrote for it. Well...wrote something I was willing to post publicly. >.> This not!fic was originally posted to Tumblr here.

So I’m getting ready for the day thinking about Star Wars and it occurs to me that Finn has never been kissed, never had sex, never been on a date, NOTHING, because the First Order is probably not going to be too happy about things like sexual and romantic attraction since they’re fans of uniformity and conformity.

And, you know, Finn’s in his early 20s but he was probably 3-4 when he was taken from his family, old enough to know that he was taken but too young to remember anything else but what he’s learned in the Order. Can you just imagine going through puberty in that scenario? How little teenage Finn was probably told his attractions were wrong, and he was alone in those feelings, and how he did his best to push them aside and tamp them down until they were locked up in a little box, deep inside.

(He probably tried to do the same thing with his general compassionate nature, but as we see, he was a lot less successful with that.)

So, you know, now Finn’s with the resistance, kind of unlearning some of the stuff he learned with the Order because even though he broke the programming, there’s still little bits and pieces of things that are deeply embedded that it’s going to take time for him to get rid of.

And then there’s Poe.

So Poe has probably taken Finn under his wing, showing him the ropes, teaching him to fly an X-wing, working out and sparring with him (just picture both of them, sweaty and shirtless and in a boxing ring, okay?). And Finn’s just like, okay, he likes Poe, right? Poe gave him his name and his jacket and Finn was so happy to find out Poe was still alive after the attack on Starkiller Base and Poe’s been right there with him as Finn’s gone through some pretty intense (and painful) physical therapy.

But there’s something else, this kind of fluttery feeling he gets in his chest, right under his breastbone whenever he and Poe are a little too close together, whenever Poe smiles at him with that easy, reckless smile, whenever Poe claps him on the shoulder and says “Looking good, Finn!”

And Finn tries to tell himself that it’s just because he likes Poe—Poe is a kind and funny person, everybody likes Poe—but at the same time he knows, deep down, that’s not right. He does like Poe, but this is more than that.

So one day they’re working on Poe’s X-wing and Poe moves his arm so Finn can get closer and see what he’s pointing at, and Finn nods seriously and says “uh-huh” as he’s trying to pay attention and pretend his heart isn’t about to beat straight out of his chest.

And then Poe turns his head and they’re so close together Finn can’t even see his face clearly, and before he can ask what the hell’s going on, Poe’s lips are on his.

And Finn has, like, no idea what to do. This has never happened to him before, he’s never even seen this before, he isn’t sure what it means and it just makes his heart pound even harder and he has to push away from Poe and out from under the X-wing before he stops breathing entirely.

Poe follows him out, a little more slowly, and he looks sad and kind of stricken and is like, “Finn, I’m so sorry, I completely misread the situation,” just falling over himself to apologize for crossing a boundary there and then Finn’s like

“WHAT WAS THAT”

And Poe’s kind of confused and asks, “What was what?”

“That!” Finn waves his hand under the X-wing and then gestures to his face. “With the—the mouth and your mouth on my mouth and WHAT WAS THAT. Do you do that with your squad?”

And that’s when it clicks with Poe that maaaaybe the running away was less “I don’t want this with you” and more “I am very confused and I have no idea what you’re doing.” So he sits down next to Finn—not too close, mind you, so Finn doesn’t feel boxed in or anything—and explains no, you don’t do that with your squad (well, you CAN, but that’s another conversation), that’s kissing and it’s usually something you only do with people very close to you. Like family and very good friends and people you would like to be more than very good friends.

And Finn’s heart sort of stops beating right there because he’s not sure which way Poe means it with him and so he asks, “So, um, which one am I?”

And Poe blushes and ducks his head and gently bumps his shoulder against Finn’s and says, very softly, “More than very good friends. If that’s something you think you’d want. With me.”

And Finn’s just, like, boggled because he still doesn’t really understand any of this but he knows the idea of it makes him deliriously happy and scares the hell out of him at the same time. So he tells this to Poe and Poe laughs and says “Oh yeah that’s totally normal.” Which is, like, the first time in his life that Finn’s heard that his feelings are normal. Like everybody has them.

So he’s like “I think I might want to, but I don’t know anything about this,” and Poe just nods and is like “Okay, then we’ll take it super slow. Like the Outer Rim orbiting around the galactic center slow.”

And Finn’s like “Maybe not that slow.”

And I’m not entirely sure where this goes but basically I just want them going on the Star Wars equivalent of ice cream dates and holding hands and kissing each other on the forehead as Finn figures out how this whole relationship thing goes (and Poe learns how to be in a relationship with someone who’s literally starting at zero).

And maybe it takes a month, or maybe it takes two months, or maybe it takes a little longer, but one day Finn turns and kisses Poe square on the mouth, the first time since that day under the X-wing. And he pulls away and sees Poe looking a little dazed and grinning like a complete and utter idiot and, well.

Yeah.

Finn definitely wants this with him.